Album: The Ballad of Megan Pouring
Date: May 2, 2017
Date Added: September 16, 2023
URLs:
- https://coolandnewwebcomic.bandcamp.com/album/the-ballad-of-megan-pouring
Artists:
- Gordian
Cover Artists:
- Cloudaria
Art Tags:
- Cool and New Music Team
Cover Art File Extension: jpg
Track Art File Extension: png
Color: '#999999'
Groups:
- Cool and New Music Team
- Fandom
Commentary: |-
    <i>XenoZane:</i> (Youtube upload)
    <i>MAKIN VOICE REVEAL (MUST WATCH) (NOT CLICKBAIT) ✔️✔️✔️ (EXCLUSIVE)</i>
    <img src="media/misc/ballad-of-megan-pouring-thumbnail.jpg" width="300">

    <i>Cool and New Music Team:</i> (Bandcamp description)
    the dawn of an era.

    <i>Makin:</i> (Unmasked)
    Giving commentary about this is pretty egotistical, but I'm adding all CANMT albums to the wiki and there's no skipping this one. I was not involved with this track at all and was as surprised as you are right now when it came out. In fact, I barely know any of these people, but they somehow knew my deepest motivations.
    This is a rock/soap opera musical track about my reaction to the end of Homestuck, and how visibly "salty" it made me. Memes were created around my reaction, though they were old even at the time this song was made. After Homestuck's Act 7, I found Cool and New Web Comic, which I was able to be unreasonably positive about. I guess that turn made for a good story to tell [[track:throguh-song|THROUGH SONG]].
    The rest is just a bunch of fandom nonsense.
---
Track: The Ballad of Megan Pouring
Artists:
- Gordian
Contributors:
- Kal-la-kal-la (vocals)
- Bin (vocals)
- nights (vocals)
Duration: '06:20'
URLs:
- https://coolandnewwebcomic.bandcamp.com/track/the-ballad-of-megan-pouring
Referenced Tracks:
- The Ballad of Megan Pouring (instrumental)
- Crime Sheen Inc.
Sampled Tracks:
- The Ballad of Megan Pouring (instrumental)
Lyrics: |-
    (Are you done with the salt shaker?)
    (Oh my— you're not actually gonna eat that, are you?)
    (Megan?)
    (I'm almost done with it.)

    Sodium chloride
    Sodium chloride
    Megan, you know that stuff's not good for you
    But I love it!
    Sodium chloride
    Slow form of suicide
    And it would suck if Megan died!

    I hate my fucking job
    I sell little pieces of toast
    They look like fucking boats
    That's why they're called shiptoasts

    (Miss Pouring, if we don't break even this month I don't see how we can make it.)
    (We'll make it.)
    (But—)
    (WHAT did I say, Nicole? Now get back to work.)
    (This is all your fault, Andrea Hussie.)
    (You bitch.)

    I wanted to be a princess
    And when I was a girl they told me that I could
    "As long as you try your hardest"
    Guess I should have asked them if I should
    I founded a sub for Homestuck
    Wish the fucking end was any good
    Now all I wanna do is die
    Someone tell me why-y-y (She hates her fucking job)

    (Megan, this is your Doctor. The test results came back.)
    (We tried to warn you about this, you know.)
    (Anyway. We analyzed the salt content in your blood...)
    (And we've come to the conclusion that, if you don't cut down your intake...)
    (There's just no way you can survive.)

    Someone, someone tell me
    When I asked for this or
    What my sin was to deserve this lot in life
    I know I'm not the best of
    People but you must believe
    Me God, if you are out there I can change
    I feel my self control
    My salty sinful soul
    Inside me slip away, I'll end my life today

    Oh - oh - oh - oh - oh - oh (etc.)
    MY NAME IS [[artist:o|O]], DID SOMEBODY RING?
    FOR I AM GOD, THE LORD OF ALL, EVERY H*CKING THING
    GOD HEARD THY PRAY'R AND HE WILL ANSWER THEE
    COME HOME, MY CHILD, SING ALONG WITH US AND THEN YOU SHALL BE FREE

    (Megan, listen. I'm sorry about what Hussie did to you.)
    (I want to make sure what she did never happens to anyone again.)
    (She's burning in hell as we speak, being forced to make a video game that will never be completed.)
    (If you come with me and [[artist:ostrichlittledungeon|ost]] back to heaven, we can all make high quality rips for eternity.)
    (Megan... will you marry me?)
    (Yes! I will!)

    (No way Sheen, no way Sheen, you're not as big a fan of Jimmy's dad as I am!)
    (No way Sheen, no way Sheen, you're not as big a fan of Jimmy's dad as I am!)

    Cool and new web comic
    Cool and new web comic
    It saved the fandom and Megan too (It's true!)
    Best fanmade property
    Better than Hiveswap'll be
    O, and it's all because of you!
    The music is shit and yet good too!
    What can we say, it's Cool and New!
---
Track: The Ballad of Megan Pouring (instrumental)
Artists:
- Gordian
Cover Artists:
- Cloudaria
Duration: '06:23'
URLs:
- https://coolandnewwebcomic.bandcamp.com/track/the-ballad-of-megan-pouring-instrumental
Referenced Tracks:
- Doctor
- Penumbra Phantasm
- Bad Apple!!
- Snow halation
- track:unintentional-touhou
- Feel Good Inc.
- Homestuck Anthem
- Bridal Chorus
- track:wanderlust-canmt
